We need to rekindle our bromance
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.