did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Everclear isn't food dammit
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection