Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?