Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
