I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
