I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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