i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
