At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
