I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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