ugly people sure do ruin things
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
