we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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