Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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