bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
