there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha