I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Found your dick twin last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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