Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
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just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory