She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
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Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
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Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
