WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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