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I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Randomize
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