I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker