how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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