it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
