I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
