I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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