you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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