Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
