What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
