i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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