Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
