So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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