Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Im part way to drunk.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
