We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
