She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
NoShamevember. You game?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How does one acquire holy water?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
