we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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