hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am midnight drunk by noon
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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