i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
