I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
