He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just tell him i said nine months
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
