And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
