hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
