I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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