I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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