yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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