when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
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Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
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I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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