Is it because I queefed?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
