fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Randomize
