Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
