Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
