sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
