Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
did i just pee glitter
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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