Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
