fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
