Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
