yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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