Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
