I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
