i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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