Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
