SEEEEXXX PLEASE
never play flip cup with pint glasses
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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