I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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