I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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