tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Drunk is not a location!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
