Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i think i have two assholes
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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