I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
