Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
