Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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