I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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