Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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