Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
