My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
