alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
