He asked to "fluff my boner.."
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she told me i tasted like america
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
