Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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