last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
