do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
